HM OKAY SOMETHING ELSE – Malcolm & Sam?

capalxii-deactivated20160701:

this seems like a much smaller ship overall but i think it’s kind of lovely. 

• Peeps in the microwave: Sam. Malcolm has no idea why he has all these psychos around him who need rules about what should or should not be put in the microwave.
• Forgets putting the cat out: Malcolm. Sam always remembers, though, so it’s okay.
• Posts embarrassing vines: Neither. Malcolm knows better than to embarrass Sam, and Sam is mostly thinking of his public image. (She does, however, post a couple vines of him being sweet with animals and babies. Only to burnish his image, of course, and not at all because he gets all grumpy and blushy over her calling him adorable.)
• Breaks the most phones: Malcolm by a landslide.
• Dies first: Sam. It’s a stroke. She’s very young, maybe early 40s. Nobody ever expects Malcolm to live very long, least of all the two of them—one of the only things they ever fought about was him telling her that he’s not right for her, that she should go off and find someone better—and afterwards there’s this void that he papers over so nobody can see it or fill it.
• Lactose intolerant: seriously this is the most left-field item on this list. I have no idea. Malcolm this time.
• Thinks they’re good at something they’re not: Again, I think Malcolm thinks he’s a great kisser but isn’t. Unlike Jamie, Sam’s willing to teach him to be better, and knows how to finesse it so that he doesn’t realize that’s what she’s doing.
• Kicked out of bed: Malcolm. He’d never kick Sam out of bed for anything. Sam would only kick him out when his feet get too cold.
• Uses the computer most: Malcolm.