for my second prompt: “oh, monsters are scared. that’s why they’re monsters” – rebelcaptain :P

cats-and-metersticks:

For this my friend, you get ANGST

I regret nothing

(Also forgive me– this is an extremely loose interpretation of your prompt.)

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“His sense of duty was no less than yours, I deem. You wonder what his name is. Where he came from. And if he was really evil at heart. What lies or threats led him on this long march from home. And would he not rather have stayed there. … War will make corpses of us all.” – Faramir of Gondor, The Two Towers

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The first time Jyn saw a stormtrooper’s face, she was ten years old. She’d been with Saw for nearly two years, and she got curious. She wasn’t supposed to be there. Saw hadn’t let her fight in the skirmish, but she snuck out while most of the partisans were pillaging the warehouse they’d just taken.

She had to brace her leg on his shoulder to work the helmet off, but it came away after a bit of tugging. She didn’t look at first, just stared at the helmet in her hands and panted. Her heart was suddenly pounding in her throat and she wondered if this was such a good idea after all. Back then, it was hard for her to articulate why this might be a mistake. She’d seen bodies before– she’d seen her mother’s– but this was somehow different.

She still remembers his face with perfect clarity. The first thing she noticed was that his eyes were open. They were bright blue and she jumped, because at first she thought he wasn’t really dead. Then she leaned closer and saw the pallor of his face and how he wasn’t blinking, just staring straight into the Maridun sun above them. His hair was blonde and buzzed close to his skull and his lips were parted, almost like he was surprised. He’d died of a blaster wound to his chest, and she could see flecks of blood on his lips when she peered close.

That’s when Saw found her. He yanked her upright by her bicep and dragged her away. She fought, but his grip was like durasteel and he ignored her whining pleas. He brought her back to their ship and thrust her onto a bench seat.

She glared up at him in petulant, childish defiance. “I wasn’t doing anything wrong.”

Saw looked down at her, stern and unmoving.

Jyn held his gaze, although she felt shame rise in her face as she waited for him to speak.

Finally, he said,“I think you understand what you did.” Then turned and left her on the ship.

He didn’t let her leave it for the rest of the mission.

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