ficlet : almost lover 2

melanoradrood:

follow up to : almost lover 
requested originally by : @leaiorganas

Cassian stands there, watching the transport take off, watching as it flies higher, and then, it breaks into atmo, and he-

He makes it five more seconds, and then he breaks down.

He should have, could have, he –

Fuck. Fucking fuck. Fuck, he was in love with her, and she just left, just disappeared, just –

He looks around, looks at the people just milling about, sees the Princess directing people onto the Falcon, sees the pilots filling their own transports, and they’re acting like everything is fine, is perfectly normal, but Jyn just left –

Jyn just left, and he let her. He had packed his bags, because she spoke of leaving, and he –

He had just looked at Leia, told her that he had to follow Jyn, and she had understood, and Jyn – he had a place in the New Republic, he did, but his place was also with her.

She was supposed to go with him. She is supposed to be with me. He had never thought she wouldn’t come, had never had it cross his mind that she would do anything else, but then she had told him to stay, and he had just –

It takes him a few seconds to realize what it is, a panic attack, but that’s what it is. He can’t breathe, is yanking at his collar, trying to suck in a breath, but he can’t –

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