skitzofreak:

Chapter 3 of I might know my heart. is posted on AO3.

This took entirely too long, sorry, @kotaface. But at least I got the plot wrestled back into a shape that I like, and can move on a bit faster in the future, I hope.

---

It
was an odd sensation, Cassian mused in the dim yellow light of their cabin;
before Jyn (before Jedha, before everything) he would have simply noted the
exploitable weakness, shoved any sensation of bitterness into the back of his
mind, and worked on his plan to infiltrate the station. Now, somehow, it felt
both better and worse to consider that he was the kind of man who looked at a
happy couple and hoped to use them to his own dangerous ends. Worse, because
now he looked at the smiling guard and the bitterness surged up, refusing to
collapse obediently back down and out of his way. Better, because alongside the
bitterness, there was something quiet and fragile but nonetheless real that
recalled the smirk on Jyn’s face when she made a terrible joke and traced her
fingertips over his body, that remembered what her face looked like when she
shuddered and came against him, that small burning light inside him that looked
at the happy couple, and recognized, and wanted.

There
was a part of him that remembered standing in the crashed ship of a murdered
family and confessing a monstrous crime to someone who listened solemnly and
then told him she was glad he survived it. Glad he was alive.