Can you do a ‘Jealous Kiss’ one?

melanoradrood:

in honor of rebelcaptainsmutweekend

Cassian has seen jealous in the Rebel Alliance. He has grown up in it, after all, has seen what happens when two men are attracted to the same woman, has even once or twice seen what happens when that woman turns out to like only other women. He has seen the fights, the bets, even the various dares undertaken, all because of jealous.

Never before has he fallen victim to it, but now… now, he knows jealousy. He knows that burning, the anger, the rage, the self-loathing…

And it’s directed at himself.

He hates himself, because he’s jealous of himself… 

How that was possible, he wasn’t sure, until he wakes up and looks beside him, sees Jyn laying there, naked, and he’s… he’s jealous of himself.

He’s jealous of drunk Cassian, because drunk Cassian says all of the right words, dances with Jyn, pulls her close, tells her all the things that sober Cassian can’t. Drunk Cassian gets to bring Jyn back to his room, gets to peal her out of her clothing and enjoy touching her, kissing her.

Sober Cassian? Sober Cassian gets the water and the pain killers and the caff, and gruffly says he’ll see her later. Sober Cassian fights by her side, sits across from her in the mess and chats like nothing is wrong, works with her every day.

Sober Cassian has to look at Jyn and pretend like he doesn’t know what she looks like, what she tastes like. Sober Cassian never even gets a glance… and then she invites him to the Cantina, and he…

He always goes, because drunk Cassian wants to see her again, and he hates himself enough to give in, every time. And then he drinks, and drinks, until he’s able to approach her.

She likes him drunk, kisses him, confesses things he can’t remember… and then he’s sober, and it’s like nothing had happened the night before.

Jealousy. He jealous of himself.

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