She should hav known. She shouldn’t have been stupid enough to tell Cassian she loved him. For one shining, happy moment she thought that maybe, just maybe he could love her too. She couldn’t blame him. She wouldn’t like her either if she was him, much less love her. Really she shouldn’t have let herself forget the thing she’d known for years; no one could love her. (Sorry for the crappy sentence, I’m just in a angsty Jyn mood. Usually in fics its Cass who gets lost in self loathing)

jynirso:

thank you for the prompt! i hope it’s sufficiently angsty 🙂

read it on ao3!

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If there’s one thing that Jyn’s learned over the years, one thing that’s remained constant, it’s that there’s something wrong with her. 

She doesn’t know what it is, and doubts that she ever will. It’s something that makes her unloveable, makes people want to leave her no matter how hard she tries to get them to stay. It’s happened so many times before that it can’t be coincidental; even when someone promises to stick around, she doesn’t believe them. She know they won’t, that they’ll leave despite what they say, because there’s something about her that isn’t right. 

But Cassian makes her forget. 

It’s hard to remember that she’s broken when she’s with him, when he makes her feel so loved. The reminder will slip through the cracks sometimes, like late at night or when she’s alone, but then Cassian will press a kiss to the top of her head or hold her closer, and she’ll stop thinking about it again. He has an effect on her that no one else has ever seemed to have, and that makes her selfish. She wants what she can’t have, could never have. 

“I love you.” 

If Jyn could turn back time, she would go back to that moment and keep her mouth shut. It’s not that there isn’t any truth in her statement –– stars, she loves Cassian so much –– but she’d forgotten herself. Forgotten for a few precious seconds that there’s something wrong with her and let herself pretend that she could have this one thing –– that she could love Cassian and be loved in return. 

But why would he? Why would he love her back? She’s unloveable. 

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