Surprise, @jeronandor! I’m your second Rebelcaptain Secret Santa, and I’m here to (hopefully) deliver on angst and hurt/comfort!
You were kind enough to give me a choice between “What happened to her?” and “I don’t want your apologies, I want my [relation] back!” for the prompt, so being the Extra™ dumbass that I am, I tried to address both and write a fic that was meant to be 6k…which has already gone well over the 8.5k mark, so I’m splitting the story in two chapters
I know that I’ve twisted the prompts a bit, but I thought it was a good opportunity to provide a Jyn-centric, emotional hurt/comfort rather than put her in a perilous situation. In hindsight, I think it was a good move, given that your original secret santa opted to go that route (in a REALLY COOL WAY, might I add), so your gifts definitely have some variety to them.
She was good enough. Of course she was good
enough, she could tell assure herself of this over and over again, and yet…Step back, step-step, lunge-duck-swing-punch.
It’s not enough.
Though Jyn spent
her energy concentrating her bitterness to her knuckles in hope of punching
them out, she couldn’t even figure out when she became so bitter in the first
place. Time slowed as her thoughts raced; her muscles tensed, the fibers
contracting one by one and the bloodflow turned to lava as mind weaved through
every memory, every sensory experience, searching for a possible origin point.Was it after they
left the mid-rim from that recon mission and she made the mistake of letting
her ship get tracked and intercepted by Empire-hired bounty hunters? That
couldn’t be right- despite the look of consternation etched in the fine lines
of Cassian’s steely gaze in the aftermath, he’d dropped the issue entirely once
the post-assignment reports were submitted. She felt like an inadequate soldier
for making such a rookie mistake despite more than a decade of experience, and
the look of disappointment that flashed across Cassian’s face before they went
to bed that night made her feel worse. But even after her failure to ensure
that no one was tracking them on the way back from assignment, the threat was
eventually vanquished, their ships downed as their bodies singed and
subsequently froze in the blackness of space, and Draven considered it enough
of a success that her mistake could be overlooked. It’s just-It wasn’t good enough.
Good Enough – Chapter 1 – SleepyKalena – Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016) [Archive of Our Own]
say you love me 