Parka (The Only Thing She Had Left) – Chapter 12:
@captainandors sorry for all the delays (especially the plot-related delays in this chapter), but this thing was entering 8k territory so I had to cut it off again and split this arc into two chapters. Thanks so much for being patient with me!
The crisper late-night air was refreshing, enough to entice her to come out night after night – if she couldn’t sleep, she would climb to the top of the hill and stare up at the stars. The long grass would rustle in whispers as she sat down, and she would outstretch her arms to let the blades caress her skin like soft down. Jyn was almost certain that if it weren’t for the heat and humidity of the day, more sentients would find more open plains to rest on.
But the longer she stared at the stars and marveled at their wondrousness, the more it reminded her of the vastness of space, and how insignificant she was in relation to it. And yet, despite her insignificance, she caused so much damage.
How could a single person cause so much damage?
Jyn didn’t have to think on the question for very long before Saw and her father flashed through her mind. It was almost no wonder that after being raised by two people capable of so much destruction, she, too would be equipped to do the same.
It really shouldn’t have been a surprise at this point, but her heart sank as she realized that not only had she made a huge mistake in her actions, but that in the course of a single day, so many months ago, she pleaded pacifyingly like her Papa before letting her fear and anger fuel her into an aggressive rage like Saw. Papa’s method couldn’t save Mama any more than Saw’s method of trying to fight the Empire at the expense of the thousands of innocents dragged in as collateral damage. Neither method served to help the people she wanted to protect, and yet here she was, making the same mistakes.
She remembered a time where the galaxy screwed her over so much that she didn’t care if such things happened, so long as she made it out alive. Now that she had more things to live for, outside of herself, the consequences of her actions continued to haunt her and gnaw at her mind.
If Mama were here to see this, would she be sad? Concerned? Angry? Disappointed?
As she continued to wonder what sort of advice Mama and Papa could give at a time like this, the stars twinkled and shimmered even more, magnified by the guilty tears that clouded her eyes streamed down her face.
say you love me 